Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
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Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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