I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
