He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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