It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
