If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
