The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
50% drunk capacity currently
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
