Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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