Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
