You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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