I didn't shave. On purpose
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
