he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I look better un-naked...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i love accidental penises.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
