it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
