epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I see more hoeing in ur future
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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