bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
