Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
