I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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