Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
