I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
