Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Someone signed my nipple.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
