Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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