i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
