I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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