i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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