We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
