I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
