I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
