I accidentally burped into my bong.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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