I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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