New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
