I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
