I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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