How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
