dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
