Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Two words: blizzard sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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