he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
