So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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