dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think your dad took our porno
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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