Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
