your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
