My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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