If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
