I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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