So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
