I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
