Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i've created a new STD.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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