Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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