hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
