A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
