hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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