Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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