I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
