I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
