I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
