I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I puked a lego.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
