The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
