Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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