Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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