ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
