he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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