I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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