what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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