4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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