haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
