He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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